Do you think something would happen to you if you did not have a boyfriend / girlfriend like your other friends have? Are you scared to be single in a world full of committed people (who often don’t know why they are together)?
Let me tell you if you didn’t already know – that would be the worst reason to get committed to someone. Simply dating because you want to fit in should be declared a crime in the land of crazy young people! It is like going to toilet at a specified time (e.g. 11 am) with or without the need.
You may want to do a lot of crazy things but trust me, this is not one of those crazy things. One cannot possibly settle for any Tom, Dick and Harry they meet on the road just to not be lonely. That’s not crazy. That’s just knowingly stepping into a world full of regret and remorse. I have been a Motivational speaker and Trainer for the youth for 17 yrs now. And this qualification gives me the confidence to say – that when the motivation is not right, the action never yields the right results.
Why don’t you do a little survey yourself? We all have those friends who have been in crappy relationships. Talk to them. They will tell you what went wrong. They might even ask you to be single. You never know!
I guarantee, 90% of the times, one of the reasons would be – we got into this too soon. Maintaining a relationship is a full time job. Most people usually are not ready for it.
I am not a believer of whirlwind romances. Have never been one. I believe that you should only get into a relationship with a person when you have known them well enough to be able to understand why they do what they do. You should be friends first.
Only those who have enough confidence in themselves to believe that they will be happy whether or not they find someone to “complete” themselves – are the ones who can live with the understanding that it is okay to be single. Despite of the bull-crap that movies and sitcoms teach you. They have only promoted surreal lives for many decades now.
When you find it in your heart to be able to be on your own because you have decided to only settle for the best, here’s what happens. Till then, you be single. Till then, you become that extremely unstoppable strong person who adheres to his/her high standards; someone who doesn’t give into societal pressure; someone who reserves themselves because they know they deserve the best.
Worth a thought!
I think that is way more cooler than rushing into something you are not even sure of; just because you didn’t want to be alone. Seriously? Are you that boring a person that you can’t tolerate your own company? Because if that’s the case, no relationship is going to last anyway. You will then not only bore the other person but maybe rotten him/ her too. He/she will run away pretty soon at the first available chance. Also read :- “Dirty Secrets of Complicated Relationships”
Be single and do not be ready to mingle till you have known your passions, your dreams and ambitions. Because then, you won’t be tying your hunger to succeed to some other human being. You will be tying it to an actual achievement, a desire to create an awesome life for yourself.
Do not mingle till you have known who you really are. Because then you would know what exactly would you be bringing on to the table in your relationship (whenever it happens) and exactly would you be needing from the other person. It also has some benefits you know. Check out : 9 Surprising Benefits of being Single
And trust me when I say this – if you are not happy being single, you will never be happy in a relationship. Because if your love for your own self is not true, you will always be like that incomplete sentence which is looking to get completed by some words being borrowed by someone else. What if you find that those words you borrowed didn’t quite make the sentence you wanted to make? Don’t you think you should be the only one in charge of writing whatever the hell you want to write in the sentence of your life?
Single with High Standards
To be honest, people appear much sexier and confident about life when they are confident about themselves. So, instead of looking for someone with a candle in your hand (or a huge light), why don’t you work on your own self? Get busy creating a life for yourself that is so awesome that the best people get attracted to you! Your confidence will be that magnet that attracts the most shining people. Summary: – Get an aura around yourself & do not let any creepy insect dare to poke into the shining light of that aura.
Use this life as a singleton to explore the world, to travel wherever and whenever your heart takes you, to read more, to write more, to run more and to live more. These practices will tell you who you really are. So that when you do come across the right person, your life will have taught you enough to identify him/her out of a crowd of the not so right people.
I am not saying you close your heart and walk like a zombie. By all means, be charming and handsome and absolutely lovely. But don’t fall too soon. Keep a grip. Test the person you think you would be interested in. Most of the times, the first 30 mins of your conversation will tell you whether you would be remaining single or the other person would be breaking that spell. Test them relentlessly.
And if you have teeny tiny bit of doubt, don’t settle. Don’t lower your standards just to follow the bandwagon. Sometimes, good things to do come to people who wait. Also read: ‘ Lovepal Bill – for the Corrupt Dil ‘
And while you are at it, don’t crib if your situation says you will be single for a while. That’s a perfect sign for the predatory kind of people. If being single makes you sad, it also makes you a magnet for the creepy crappy ones. Instead, be the opposite. Be awesome. Develop your own self. Instead of wasting time on the left right tinder swaps, invest time in building your career, your relationships with the people you already have. Invest efforts into your hobbies and passions. They will definitely guide you to like-minded people.
Doesn’t that seem like a better approach? Become so fiercely independent that when you actually do get into a relationship, it is out of love and not some mundane need to be completed or fulfilled. Those are the best ones, where your love for each other surpasses your need for each other.
I think the major reason why people rush into whatever they can lay their hands on is – they don’t know how to spend time with themselves. Alone. It’s like; an empty room would just bite them. And I blame the ‘lack of hobbies and passions’ for this sort of a behavior. Now explain me this – if you really have engaging hobbies that totally consume you, will you be afraid of being alone? Never!
Love the ‘Me’ Time
It is only the sheer lack of ambition and passion in life that leads to loneliness – and this loneliness leads to hurried decisions when it comes to relationships. The best relationship that you can have today is the one with yourself. Only someone who has that much amount of confidence in their being can truly and totally accept someone else in their lives. Until you have been alone with yourself, you will never know whether you are choosing someone out of love or loneliness!
For the rest of them, I would say – quit looking (don’t even “Keep Looking”). If you really have to look somewhere, look within and understand – what is it that you really want from life? An incredible way of living on your own terms which you then share with someone equally awesome or settling with less than what you deserve and then trying to adjust your life around that decision?
I think we are a smart generation to know how to not get our steps all jumbled up!
And, you must have seen the Holstee Manifesto right? What does it say? Read on:
“If you are looking for the love of your life, STOP. They will be waiting for you when you start doing things you LOVE.”
Indeed!
Don’t be wary of love. But be wary of attachments that are addictive. All the love that you have to give, is there inside you. If it does not find an expression, you love yourself wonderfully and be joyful. But don’t lose your head around a distorted idea. Find the real deal!
Akash Gautam
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