You know which is the most useless thing inside every human being? Your answer might be ‘Appendix’/ ‘Armpit Hair’ but you could always get rid of either of them. I’m talking about the ‘Filmi feelings’ & ‘Extra Emotions’ we all have. We breed things that need to be united with the dustbin at the first chance available! This blogpost deals with ways to manage emotions, especially the ones that stem from guilt trips.
My work as a Motivational Speaker is such that it makes me travel for bigger parts of the months. Because of this — there are months when -as a father I hardly am able to spend time with my children. I have two options: 1) To feel guilty about it when I am working / travelling / trying to sleep or 2) Accept it and THEN be 100% with them on the days when I am there at home.
I choose latter as it helps me prevent myself from exhausting my mental energy from useless guilt. Unnecessary guilt is like running your car on a zero traffic highway with hand brakes on. The speed will be hardly any when you could have driven at even permissible limit of 100. One of the better ways to manage emotions is to accept what you can’t change and fix what you can. If you keep feeling guilty about things you can do nothing about at this point – you will start feeling sorry for yourself.
And when you begin to feel ‘SORRY’ for yourself — you begin diluting your inner, hidden power.
‘Jab koi Cheez Toot Nahin Sakti ; Usko Pighlane ki koshish bhi kyun karein’
Even Paramhansa Yoganandaji in his biography said- ‘The greatest of sins is to call oneself a sinner’.
When we make ourselves believe that we are guilty about something, that guilt becomes the shadow that doesn’t leave our side even in darkness, let alone light.
One reason why we must Not feel guilty about stuff in life is: ‘Because at that time we thought it was the best decision that we were making’. Now even if in retrospect that decision came out to be wrong- it is OK. I purchased a premium car in 2004 instead of a house. Today the same house would have appreciated some 5 times but the car has depreciated to 1/5th. I used to feel bad about my investment decision and somewhere guilty too. I decided — ‘I will not feel guilty’.
It is further important to immediately pick up a lesson. Again in 2010 and 2012 temptations hounded me to upgrade myself to a more premium car but I picked up properties in both the years.
Trust me we need to remove those ugly scars of guilt from our lives if we want to manage emotions at work, with family, with friends etc. Feeling guilty is useless because guilt can never be that change agent in us. It only renders us more and more useless. Apologize where it is needed, fix what you can, LEARN from it and move on! The 4 important steps of emotional management.
Why should a lady feel even slightly guilty of spending an extra money on things of her choice like a spa treatment etc ; especially when she is already giving 100% to her family, work etc. What is the point of feeling guilty about not studying when you are already inside a movie theatre or when you are on a date? Why should you feel ashamed / guilty of studying at a lesser known college; now that when you are already studying there?
‘Accept yourself; the way you are.’ Agreed there are a million ways in which we could have been better. But trust me – there definitely are a million ways – how we could have been worse too. I am married. I travel the world and meet so many many pretty women. It’s a part of the job. Should I feel guilty of interacting with them?
No ! I have decided I would not. Reasons:- ‘ I could have been worst had I been sleeping around’. I definitely could have been a saint – if I were to think of all women other than my wife as ‘sisters’. I fall in neither of the categories. I am in my own category.
By accepting myself ‘the way I am’ – I am saving and hence creating an extra energy which would have got dissipated as ‘Guilt energy’ otherwise. Now I use the same energy to do things that are much more important to me – e.g. Meditation and fitness, spending time with my family, my beautiful children, working on work etc. One of the best ways of emotional management at home is to be with them fully. All they want is your undivided attention. Not much of a rocket science!
That Saved energy makes me a better man who thinks that he has an extra energy over others to take better decisions. Let me confess – ‘ I feel I have become a better man – after I have started feeling ‘zero / lesser guilty’ about a lot of things – that I should not be – in my daily life.
Guilt never leads to change. Hence is never useful. The moment we repent our actions and take that step to change it, the guilt changes to ‘knowledge of self’.
One of our favorite ‘GUILTS’ is our inability to ‘make people around us happy’. Trust me- it is the most hopeless guilt category. ‘Khuch bhi kar lo – ‘People around will never be Happy. Finding faults is their favorite, first reaction. So ! Better keep / save your energies for- ‘Inspiring’ the ones who believe in YOU; rather than feeling guilty about— ‘Mujhse log khush kyun nahin rehte etc etc ‘ , ‘I should have not said this to him / her…’ (Tips for managing irrational people and emotions)
Chuck every feeling that pushes you back in life. Make a promise to yourself that instead of feeling ‘guilt’ you will go ‘build’ upon those precious lessons and emerge as a better person. I did it. And…
I feel free…
I enjoy the moments more …
I enjoy ‘whatever is happening around me more’
Be in the NOW of your life. Find your answers inside of you, more than the external comforts. Trust me – all your questions about your emotional issues, people issues, relationship issues, ways to manage emotions etc. will get answered if you find time every day to sit in silence and meditate and go deep within your own conscience.
I broke up with ‘GUILT’ because it is- One Life! I have decided to live it 100% .
You try it too!