Very few Love stories in this ‘FB generation’ grow old. The infant mortality rate of love stories is the highest these days. People are confusing ‘Relationships’ with ‘Pre-Paid re-charge cards’. Unfortunately — ‘love’ these days serves the purpose of an exterior emulsion paint: ‘Baahar kee deewar badhiya — andar seelan & deemak’ etc. And the question they ask is -“Bhaiya yeh deewaar TIKTI kyun nahi hai?” In such situations, sometimes when seriousness doesn’t work, humor does. This is my attempt at humorous and funny reasons to move on from a relationship – when you know it has run it’s course. It delves into the unmistakable signs that the end is near, and ways to move on happily. Dig in!
My biggest reason behind writing this post is to assist the beautifully young people who are ‘JUST stuck’ in the web of FMCG Relationships. I get many an email from frantic youngsters who believe their life is falling apart because their supposed partner left them. I want to ask them – to hold their horses. There’s much more to life. This post is a sequel to my previous blog post – ‘LovePal Bill For the Corrupt Dil; Best Relationship Advice Ever’ which was as crazy as this one is.
Sab / saare dost — ‘Relationships mein Vyast hain ; aur Zindagi se trast hain’.
The relationships — which are so confusing, complicated and energy sapping that one wonders —if they are actually worth the ‘Swaad / Chaska’. This blog post is slightly long. Recommend you to read it only when at leisure.
Am I qualified to write a blog as this? Well my CV gives me the confidence. I have had a few break ups. Some of them were ‘INDIA TV’ types. Every year; my work as a Motivational Speaker gets me to meet / motivate some 1.5 + lakh youth from India’s top Corporates, Colleges and Schools; & some of them do confess. Can say for sure — I am representing 90% of the ‘today’s generation men’. The remaining 10 %( ‘True Love’ waaley Mard ) can post angry comments at me (in the comments below) as they- I know are very good at pretending to be “committed”. And that’s why I can give you a hundred reasons to move on if your love life is headed nowhere.
Love is a beautiful feeling. His Holiness, Dalai Lama said it so right when he said —
‘The best relationship is the one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other’.
The following lines from a favorite Hollywood movie say it all:-
“Unless it is mad, passionate, extraordinary love…it is a waste of time. There are so many mediocre things in life….love should not be one of them…”
So if a relationship starts with such an intense love the breakup chances are very less (close to 1%) and even in that 1% case there’s got to be something really meaningful for them to be separated. So with mutual understanding they can separate for a better life……
Was thinking about the lives of 100’s of people & found that majority of the problems in their lives are- ‘Relationship issues’ which are ego based. The smarter race sorts them out by ‘Talking out’ & by ‘Reducing the EGO’… Maybe this is a smarter & a simpler way of living life…
Ghalib sahib said it well — ‘Jis se mohabbat ki jaaye .. usse muqaabla nahin kiya jaata’.
It is important to understand the CT Scan (Andar ki baat) of —‘How all this ‘LOVE’ develops & where does it go wrong’. Since a man’s perspective is writing this blog— so please pardon the blog with some gender chauvinistic remarks. Women — I am sure should feel glad reading; as – here is presenting the ‘Real Man’s (MARD OF) Today’s world (the inside story).
The Placebo Effect
Dictionary defines the word ‘Placebo’ as ‘a substance having no medicinal effect but given merely to satisfy a patient who supposes it to be a medicine.
Men use ‘PRAISE’ as a placebo to feed the ego of the lady. Men have realized that ladies act / react to ‘words of praise’; the same way — as sodium catches fire when exposed to air. They the ladies will never admit it but — they just so much want to be praised. Men who are reading this- ‘Just recollect this — that whenever you have praised your lady — ‘Hasn’t she said — what? Say it again’ — because —She wants to hear it again.
Guys- don’t assume that she knows how you feel about her. TELL her. When you ASSUME in relationships — you end up making an ASS of U and ME. Tell her daily — the things which you like about her. Repeat them. Continued praise sets the germs of love inside.
Too much Pampering
But the problem starts when this need ‘to be pampered’ assumes disproportionately large sizes in our minds. Most women and men; I meet — I see them over doing things to :-
-Trying to be a ‘Hero / Heroine’ …
The need to feel ‘PAMPERED’ is the root cause of most of our ‘People Issues’, Emotional turmoils & Incompetencies. Remember the MOHRA song-“Mujhe Pyaar Karo..Subah se lekar Shaamtak..Shaam se lekar Raat tak..Raat se phir Subah tak..As if aur koi kaam nahi hai duniya me karne ko..If you keep feeling the need to be PAMPERED, then woh Din kabhi nahi aayega jab tum dono ek hi bachche ko PAMPERS pehnaao. You are not your ‘FB’ status that people should LIKE you…Trust me – no one is Thinking about you ! Only you are taking yourself over-seriously.
If ‘Tere Mast Mast Do Nain’ — is all it takes to take away ‘Dil ka Chain’ — then the day is not far when you will also sing ‘Main Jhandu Baam hui — Darling Tere liye’. 🙂
Fun or no-fun?
Ladies are more likely to get attracted to men with ‘a Sense of Humor’. Girls do not love SRK for no reason… Men have realized that to get a woman to love them; they need to get her laughing. I see most men ferrying around women — while keeping on passing their stupid, silly jokes (and trust me — a few of them strike gold also). Someday — the lady begins to feel — ‘Ye mard mujhe khush rakhegaa’. Ya yeh MARD mujhe DARD ke ehsaas nahi hone dega” Amul Macho type feeling! Ye to bada Toing hai !
Girls do get attracted to men with a sense of humor…But I don’t think the relationship with such men would last long, because after a while the girl will start saying things like “Aap kabhi serious kyun nahi hote ho?”…”har time mazaak ni acha lagta”…”tum mere liye serious ho ya main bhi mazaak me hi hu?”
Sustained non-serious & foolish acts / jokes will never impress women. Try and strike a proper balance between seriousness and fun; only then the relation will last long — very long.
Judging by the Cover
Well, I find people to be confused in their own minds- at the outset of the relationship. They want too much e.g. usually girls want that the guy should be the ‘Macho’ of ‘Rab ne bana de Jodi’ or Rahul (Khuch Khuch Hota Hai) or Akash (Dil Chahta Hai) — but Dil se they need Mister Surinder Sahni of Punjab Power (Rab ne banaa di Jodi). Aur agar — package deal mein — ‘Caring nature, Possessive attitude, 4-6 Packs, Money, Car, Good Family, Sense of Humor, Dressing sense — aa jaayein to ‘Yo Baby!’ ho jaayegaa. Isko var maala daala to life jhingalala !!
Girls packing pe mat jao ; andar ka gift important hai. So — girls apni ‘eye candies’ ke liye movies ka sahara lein; aur final decision mein ‘Brain ka bhi ishhara lein’. Women expect too much. Your man can not look into your eyes daily — the same way — he did — when he did for the first time.
Men — trust me; desire 10 times more than this out of their lady.
Gentlemen – When the lady is saying (usually she says) — ‘You just do not have time for me’. She is not asking for your 1 hour. All she needs is your 100% of the ten mins; when you are fully with her. Do not ‘Think else thoughts’ while you speak with her. And do not G-Chat/ FB Chat with other women — when yours is on the phone. TAMEEZ SE DHYAAN DO… Gentleman:- You can make an IMPACT of 2 hrs with your 100% ten minutes’
If you’re after him — chasing him; trust me -he doesn’t want to get caught. . If he is yours, no one can take him from you. And if he is not, nothing can make it stay.
As I look around — I pitifully see that ‘Relationships ka spiderweb bana huaa hai’. I hear stories about one person dating 3, Relationships between cousins, extra marital, etc etc. Trust me- in sab fasaad mein
‘Swaad hoga ; par junoon nahin hoga’, ‘Chaska hoga ; par sukoon nahin hoga’
There is no point settling for a secretly inferior relationship. Your standards should be too high for “something; as low as this”. No relationship/friendship is worth hiding. And if you still have to keep it a secret- to be happy, it is NOT worth having that relationship. It is fraught with so much ‘mental peace risks’.
Trust me — loving your own ‘old, boring, stale partner’ is much exciting & characterful in the long run than to lust / love that ‘exciting piece of furniture’. You will have shown so much character and divinity by being loyal with — ‘the one you have chosen to be with forever’. Your secret relationship will never treat you like a ‘Priority’; but just like an OPTION .It is much better to be single than to be someone’s dirty and miscellaneous secret. Value the ‘KISS’ approach. Emran Haashmi waali nahin — Ranbir Kapoor waali (Keep it Simple silly).
Dessert in a Relationship
Emraan Haasmi se yaad aaya — ‘Post complete sex’ ; most relationships begin to dwindle’ . Trust me. That’s why — you must treat sex in any relationship as a sweet dish and not the main food. Ab tum sweet dish khaane ke baad- khana yaad nahin karte naa ?’
All relationships become boring after some time. They say — the real relationship / marriage starts after one year— ‘when — all the good talks are done,all the nice clothes have been flaunted, all the fab songs have been dedicated and all the sex has been had’. So, if your relationship is boring / is a drag —do not worry. It is normal. The problem comes when there appear some unnecessary & over stretched feathers in the relationships cap.
What are those? Check for the ‘Current status’ below :-
Reasons to Move on from a Relationship; Signs you Need to Identify!
Don’t let it reach a point where your relationship becomes a ticking time bomb, that could explode your life to pieces. When to walk away –
– When your FB life status says — ‘It is Complicated’ — Break up. Move on, if despite all your efforts it hasn’t sorted out. There is more to life.
– When there is more seriousness in your conversations than laughter and lightheadedness — when throughout your meeting/ late night telephonic conversation – you maintain a stupid, constipated look.
– When you have to think before speaking your mind i.e. when you cease being yourself
– Daily fights, one gets angry and the other consoles and vice-versa.
– When talks like these start “main pehle tumse milke bahut khush rehti thi , but ab to tum bas ladte rehte ho”…
Strict no-nos: Absolute Reasons to Move on
– Disloyalty / Infidelity is not allowed in relationships. Number portability and dual SIM cards — whenever discovered — should be used to ban the outgoing / incoming of any kind. Usually people in such relationships say that the ‘spark is missing in their relationships- that’s why they went out’. Ab bhai — spark kahaan se aayegaa ; tumhara spark plug to kissi aur engine ko spark de raha hai 🙂
Remember, adultery is a CONSCIOUS choice you make. It is not something that just happens.
Be it mental or physical, abusive relationships should be stopped immediately. When a man is in a abusive relationship; the whole relationship is threatened.(mostly happens in Punjab after 2 pegs– teri bhen di -tu us munde naal kiwe gal kiti etc. ) There are major consequences that can come from an abusive relationship. If you are in an abusive relationship, it is time for you to walk away from that relationship. It doesn’t matter if you still love your boyfriend or not, this is a good reason to breakup.
I would want to say men suffer equally but sadly, in India major majority of victims are women, and men – stupid idiots. Girls — you deserve a better man — if your man treats you just like ‘Nothing’. It is your problem then — ‘If you call him your everything’. Move on! DARR ke AAGE Dusra PREET hai ..You deserve someone better. If you cannot love yourself — no one else will ever be able to complete you.
If someone starts backing away, the worst thing you can do is to chase them. Give them space & let them figure it out.
The biggest reason to move on – If it is not helping you ‘Rise and be better’ ; if it is not inspiring you — WALK away… if you find yourself getting worse, day dreaming more, working less, being less passionate about your dreams — IT IS NOT LOVE.
Love as an emotion, is meant to inspire — if it is not inspiring you to be better — it is a waste of time. Quit the person; as you would quit your Job — as the person is always demoralizing you. Adjustment jaroori hai ; par do not compromise your dignity and self-esteem(tedha hai par mera hai; har jagah applicable nahi hota). See if there is a repeat pattern about this thing. If it is — Cut the crap! You are beautiful — remember this. There are many beautiful concepts waiting for you. Go and claim.
chain se sona hai to jag jao…..aur us gadhe ko chhod ke; kisi aur ke sath bhaag jao
Whoever told you love never ends; made you grow up with crap! I would squarely blame Bollywood for feeding this hogwash into many heads. Like ‘AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER…’
Don’t always keep doing Ctrl S (Saving) for everything in life- especially a relationship that you most certainly need to Ctrl + Alt + DELETE. Jab kuch galat hum likh dete hain, usko delete karna chahiye, save karke apne dimag ka hardware crash nahi karna chahiye. (DIMAG KA DAHI NA KARE aur lassi to bilkul hi na banaye )
It is fallacy that you will be alone & lonely if your relationship is over. You will be the most emotional person around and that emotion will be happiness — if you have just let go the WRONG person from your life!! Try it.
The moment you truly believe — “I was happy being single” – is the moment you should be one. If you believe there is a reason why you met the person, you should also believe that there should be a reason why you must break up. Take the learning and ‘Move Ahead’; while you prepare for the right one. That’s it. Do not visit their FB Profiles time and again. Kyunki khuch daag achay NAHIN hotey. Dho Daalo !
Don’t waste your tears on some stupid loser who wasn’t worthy enough — build a bridge over that river and walk over it! Here, 8 Great TED talks on Love that will open your eyes!
Be ‘Classy’; not ‘Messy’. And if you meet your ex-lover again; at a party /market / else — maintain your dignity. Walk like ‘Class’. Melodrama / Anger / Emotional Crap will sink you more down then. All ex-lovers must be given a second chance; but with someone else. I have found Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev’s ideas on love pretty rational and identifiable. Do check it out!
A break-up should not change you. It should just change the name of your weekend date. Your story cannot finish / should not become tragic with someone’s leaving. It should go on. (interval ke baad usually picture achhi hoti hai ) so brace yourself; for the coming part. It may be the best.
As Oprah Winfrey said it so finely — ‘Some people are going to leave. But that’s not the end of YOUR story. It’s the end of THEIR part in your story’.
Almost everyone in his / her life faces break ups. It is how you carry yourself in those situations — will count! Sometimes- you need to abandon ‘MAGIC’ for ‘LOGIC’. There is no point watering your weeds. Your life can never move forward; until YOU DO.
I cried every time; when I broke up with my favorite lady. I thought — the world has fallen apart. I loved those ‘Judaai’ songs then. ‘ISHQ AB KARIYO NA type ke gaane sunta tha…’ But — read carefully next — ‘I do not even know — where those ladies are these days and they have mothered whose child?’ Faaltu mein senti huaa 🙂 / Apna time barbaad kiyaa. Aaj jab wo kissi aur ke ghar ki bijli banni huin hain — it wasn’t worth naa then??
Remember — ‘Jawaani ke bahut kum rishtey aapkey pati / patni bantay hain’. Sab pe menti-sental nahin huaa karte’. Apni bijli khud bachao
If you cannot ‘Love’ yourself — trust me — ‘there are many more break ups waiting to happen in your life’. Counting start kar do. Sansani 🙂
Ladies & Gentlemen – If you’re worrying about your love life and your ‘marks in board exams’ at the same time; trust me — you are too young for the former. Saari zindagi yahi to karnaa hai. Abhi zyada zaruri padhna hai … DIL TOH BACHCHA hi RAHEGA JI (Personally experienced)
I love writing about love. Sadly, it is a recurring need among many youth. And there are so many brilliant perspectives about love and its many faces. For e.g. here’s what Warren Buffet would have said if he were to give you relationship advice. I know it is easy to give you reasons to move on but difficult to do so. Here are a few Motivational Ways of Moving on.
And in case you want to invite me over to talk to your team members / fellow students about life and relationships, I have a talk called Lovepal Bill. I try to debunk myths about life and love, and my aim is to provide people with more fool proof ways to sort their heads and hearts so that they can enhance their personal and professional lives fully!
Shine on !