The answer to your questions about ‘dealing with people in your life’ lies in your own emotional Competence while handling people :-
I see most people trying to over do things to:
– Get liked
– Impress people &
– Trying to be a hero / heroine.
When you are impressing people around; It means you are already impressed by them. Don’t be so easy. And don’t give your heart away to people just like that. Most people just love to give gyaan and show off – there is not much material inside. The problem with trying to impress is – ‘Much energy will get wasted and you will feel useless and fatigued’.
‘Wo kaam hee kyun karna ; jisko shayad karne kee jarurat hee nahin hai’.
6 Ways you can become better at dealing with people in your life:
1. Be less Reactive
-Do not react or React Less or the best thing – ‘Delay your reaction’. It shall bring out a better & a more measured response. We react; maybe – because we are trying to live up to an image.
After working as a Motivational Speaker for more than a decade and half, I have realized that – The need to feel ‘pampered’ is the root cause of our ‘Emotional turmoil & incompetence’. One looks cool & feels cathartic when one reacts to / in daily life situations. Super mard feeling types :).
Try this code: Don’t react but smile. 99.99% of the people I meet/train; I find them either ‘Reacting’ or ‘Over reacting’. The other .01% end up making a style statement by ‘NOT’. If a person has decided what He or She WANTS to think, then nothing can change that. Not even the TRUTH… Unfortunately.
‘Apni zindagi mein itnaa kaam hai ; doosron ko sudhaarne ke chakar mein kyun pareshaan ho rahe ho ?’
Wo kehte hain naa
“zindagi bhar yehi bhool karta raha,
dhool thee chehre par aur aaina saaf karta raha.”
Most often than not, the problem lies within. Kabira also says-
“bura jo dekhan main chala, bura na milya koy,
Jo dil khoja aapna, mujhse bura na koy”
When you slow down your over-reactions, you get to realize your own faults. And trust me, it is much better to check your own self first.
2. Purpose in Busyness
In the coming times, the mark of success will be -‘ how free & happy you are?’ than anything else. Busy toh koi bhi ho leta hai. Guess, it is about ‘not trying to look cool from the outside’. Maybe, it is about finding ways to be ‘cool from inside’. A lot of my friends are internet addicts. I don’t see them very happy & peaceful. I guess, the code is ‘Intra-net’, and not ‘Internet’.
And how does it help you in dealing with people? It actually leaves you with more quality time for the people who are important to you. And more than that, it leaves time for yourself – to work on your own flaws and follies, to become a better person.
3. Be addicted to Happiness
Tension lene kaa nahin ; dene kaa bhi nahin. Bass mast rehne ka!
Smile so much & so tenaciously that the other person becomes confused. Kyun -kaisey ye bandaa khush reh saktaa hai? 🙂 . Tension me daal do. Your professional smile will really make people wonder -there is something mystical about you. The world will begin to accept you as a ‘smart person’; the one who doesn’t give a damn about other people’s menti-sental issues. You smile more then.
I am a staunch believer of ‘Fake it till you make it’. You fake a smile in real life, rather than lolling and haha-ing on WhatsApp for no apparent reason. And see the fake-ness trickle down to genuineness soon!
(Here are 8 Ways to Fake it Till you Make it. )
4. Your key to Happiness
Ancient Indian philosophies are wonderful. They gave us the key to that ever elusive happiness centuries and millennia ago! And it’s quite simple – The happiness you chase, is all within you.
So, stop finding happiness in people. Relatives remain relatives. It is mutual give and take with them. Honesty in finances, some genuine help & pampering (if you are at a powerful position) can work wonders in your equation with them. Never try to seek happiness from/ in / out of them.
It’s not life that’s happy or unhappy. Life is neutral. It’s equal parts joy and sorrow – depending on the lens you have on your eyes and heart. You have tried cynicism all your life. Just give inward joy a shot now.
5. People and their Due
Do not feel bothered or perturbed by the reactions of other people. Such people are only transactions in life and giving them more than their due is sure to disrupt your peace. The most important way of dealing with people well is – to see them as people and let them be. They are all differently built and wired. Focus about your agendas is the key to your peace.
I work with people day in and day out. And understanding how we function, has been a very crucial part of my life. Here’s what I have understood about the biggest secret of Managing people.
You also need to give up the pleasure of gossiping. Never discuss people with people. You’ll become a much better person; if you do that. I believe in genuine friendships, not gossiping and back-biting. Here are 5 Iron-Clad ways of Becoming a More Genuine Friend.
6. Be a Simple Lover
Loving is simple; it is being in love that is difficult. But it can be simplified if we don’t expect too much. Expectations mess up & complicate. Simplicity is much much better than diversification of emotions. I know that not having expectations is also no mean feat. You need to train and convince yourself that – everything you need in this world, you are capable of getting it on your own mettle.
Hum ‘Aiwayeen’ hi complex kar lete hain. Code:- keep it simple and straight. One reason why we mess up our emotions is: we overdo things while trying to protect our image or we over try to look heroes / heroines…
Emotional competence is bigger than any other competence in the kind of world we live in. Train your emotions to cope better every passing day. These days I see that-The most fashionable things about the opposite gender that attracts one are not the ‘size zeroes or 6 packs’.
If you are looking to read more on Relationships, I have a huge list of blog posts I have written just for you.
I meet a lot of youth & identify the following about them which attract others (opposite gender too 🙂 –
– Communicating / expressing self
– Smart simplicity &…
– Genuine ability to look / sound less confused & much less ‘melodramatic’.
The whole world is becoming simpler & logical. Isn’t it?? From incoming calls chargeable to ‘outgoing’ almost free….From long queues to online payments; every damn thing around is becoming logical & simpler. Why can’t we train our emotions like that? STD PCO s / audio cassettes / DD 1 – didn’t see the need for changing & thus became obsolete. Change your emotional management or you shall also be…
A few points which can help you raise your Emotional Competence and help you in dealing with people :-
Being Critical to things / people around you
Never try to change people. People do not behave according to you, because they are different than / from you & have grown up to be that way. Just keep your view point politely & withdraw. No one ever really changes. Having ‘hope’ is only and only your problem.
If a person has decided what He or She WANTS to remain the same, then nothing can change that. Jo cheez toot nahin sakti; usko bigaadna bhee kyoon. We are unhappy because our priorities are misplaced. We are seeking happiness out of impressing people; rather it should come from journeying self Goals. ‘If a fool knows he / she is a fool … He/ she will not be a fool anymore’.
Life’s beautiful only when u know what you want from it.
We have this huge problem of giving gyaan. Why?
Give advice only when someone asks for it- else you’ll end up feeling like a fool. Even while giving a piece of advice – say it politely & then withdraw. Do not obtrude. You can do that with your closest few. But not with everyone you come across.
A quick summary of becoming better at dealing with people:
– Do not easily get impressed with anything / anyone. Understand the people and the context before losing your heart to them.
– React less and find more purpose in your goals than in useless people issues. You turning to yourself for all your happiness requirements will take you much further in having a peaceful life than any amount of family and friends.
– More giving, less taking and a genuine approach to people and life.
Two Beliefs that my parents imbued me with; and they have helped me tremendously: –
1) Add value, tremendous value to whoever you meet. God will keep care of you then.
2) Be a Gentleman always. Once a gentleman; always a gentleman. You loose more, when you cease to be one. Make it a habit.
Haso aur Hasao – Naa Phaso naa Phasao.