Shilpa Shetty in the movie Dostana said it so right in the song— ‘Shut up & Bounce! Baby Bounce’. She has a baby, a cricket team and a husband too now (not necessarily in the same order). If people would have understood Shilpa’s message in that song; they would not be over doing their TALKING in their lives.

Do not we find such people almost everywhere around us? People who are self obsessed, people whose stories never seem to end, people who update & check their social media statuses more number of times than they change their underwear. There are two kinds of people who don’t say much:

1. Who remain silent.
2. Who talk non-stop.

Coming to the 7 habits:

1. Story Telling:

In 2004 my cousin used to work for a reputed Pharmaceutical company. He used to come home and complain of regular headaches. I asked him ‘If it was Migraine’. He said ‘No! It is VK’. VK was his boss in his office. VK had this VVS (very very special) knack of boring people with his stories. The funnier part here was that VK religiously believed that ‘people are interested in his stories and that he was impressing them with his knowledge etc.’ VK’s confidence about his story telling ability was such high that he used to kidnap people from office corridors, their cabins and from wherever, bring them to his room and then harass them with his nonstop, low intellect verbal masturbation.   My cousin made a very important point about VK. He said- ‘VK could have been the most powerful guy in his team by keeping on silently working. People just do not expect silence. They expect words, discussions, motion, crap bitching, defense, offense’. He was right. A truly confident person has nothing to prove.

communication

2. Gossiping:

Gossip is fun to do. Isn’t it? But did you ever realize that almost everyone around you is involved in petty gossips. Then how can you make a statement to the world if you also gossip. Leave gossip for weak people. Strong people do not say anything which they did not see it with their own eyes. People discuss / criticize / talk too much about other people; maybe because they just cannot be HEROES themselves — so they find / create VILLAINS around.

3. The OCD of snatching:

I find VKs everywhere. A few years back; in a flight from Chandigarh to Mumbai a middle aged man was sitting next to me. He asked me ‘Which place I belonged to’. My ‘hardly-a-monosyllable’ answer met with an unexpected hurricane for the next one hour. He told me 3 stories of ‘when he was posted at my hometown in 80’s. He reference checked the names of some 5 people from my hometown and asked me if I knew them. I knew a couple of them and that was enough for him to almost climax & torture me more. In between the conversations whenever I tried to speak anything; he had this compulsive tendency to snatch it from me and come up with a few more egotistic paragraphs from his life.

That uncle in that flight left me with a very important lesson in communication. I realized that unknowingly I was doing something similar to a few people around me. I also had this tendency to snatch it from others even before they completed. Whenever someone told me anything or shared his / her accomplishment with me, I found that I had this inadvertent habit to say something about myself in response. That day; I learnt the power of feeling powerful by letting others retain the glory by talking more.

Even in relationships I have found that couples are always talking and talking. Their relationship fatigues early.

A ‘Quiet’ kind of a confidence communicates the best and the most. Insecure people usually talk the maximum. They are always chasing the spotlight in some way or the other.

types_of_effective_communication3

You think people are interested in your talks or stories but trust me —‘No one is’. Only you take yourself very seriously. If someone were to video record ‘what you talk’; will you be able to listen through the complete video?

Understand that people around are already a stressed and somewhat messed up lot. They already are handling emotions at their workplaces & in their lives. If you add your ‘Laughter & Fun’ to their lives they will just worship you. No one would want to come down to anyone else’s lower emotional competence levels. The onus is on us to raise our own ‘Emotional Quotient’. IQ helps a person to demonstrate intelligence. EQ is more important however. It tells a person when to ‘Shut up’. So! Ladies if you have a boyfriend who just does not get tired of listening to your stories — ‘Keep him in a closed container’. He is a collector’s item. They do not make such guys anymore.

4. Attention seeking:

Seek ‘Respect’ & not ‘Attention’. Trust me the former lasts longer. School kids are thirsty for attention. Grownups maintain standards. Remember, ‘Demand is always inversely proportional to Price’. What we actually are communicates much more than what we actually ‘say’ about ourselves. Everyone today is clever & discerning enough to know ‘how much water the other person holds’. So! Why waste your time and energy in impressing around.

criticism

When we speak a lot we increase our chances to make a social error. Just the way filtered water keeps us away from diseases; similarly filtered speech keeps us away from self created problems. Have not we v recently seen politicians & religious gurus digging up a hole for them by making sweeping statements which boomerang against them? It takes around 2 years to learn to speak, but it takes almost lifetime to learn what not to speak!   Usually when we speak a lot we end up praising ourselves in between. What happens next- ‘We will spend next a lot of energy to live upto that reputation that we created’. The same energy could have been used to make SMART Progress in life.

5. Free consultancy services:

Another totally Junk habit is ‘Giving free and unnecessary advices’. You’ll find such people all around you. They will always have an opinion about you, about everyone and everything around you. They keep on evaluating and analyzing you. They will tell you that they are your well wishers and that’s why they tell you harsh words. Anything which is not sought but gets given will never be valued. Further anything which will not be valued can never be the change agent in anyone. Very soon such advice givers will begin to get perceived like ‘a night before the board exam’ kind of stressors.

6. 24*7 mother-in-laws:

The way you do not like being critiqued / receiving even a slightly negative opinion from people about you — the same way others also do not. So why waste your energy in trying to be a policeman especially when it is almost certain that your ‘words will get taken in the wrong way 9 out of 10 times’.

There are some people who are always picking on the mistakes of others and make them feel guilty. I call them 24*7 mother-in-laws. They have a permanent fault finding microscope in their eyes. Words will never change a person. Empathy, care and a right attitude possibly may.

7. CKBs (Credit-ke-bhuke):

You’ll also see around you a very peculiar category of people who are just so hungry to claim credit for anything and everything that they did or were a part of. They just need credit & recognition at any cost.   Such kind of people when they become a dad; they might also claim that — ‘main HEE hoon iska baap ; aur koi nahin’.

tegning-kommunikation1

I will keep writing for you; as more VKs happen to me. You keep on checking your VK quotient regularly before someone else like me does a Blog in your memory.

One thing more- ‘Your Relationships are so much about Communication’. So, why not make a special effort to get smarter at that. Thinko about this ji!!

Rise & Shine!

Akash Gautam
www.akashgautam.com

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About Author

Akash Gautam is a Motivational Speaker & Corporate Trainer in India. Hundreds of Top Corporates like Google, CIPLA, Vodafone, McKinsey & Co., Maruti, HDFC, RIL, M&M & premier colleges like IIMs, IITs, SRCC etc go to him whenever they need a refreshing, big bang impact. Write to usWrite to us to know how he can transform your Team.

  • Avishek ck thakkur

    each word.
    true !! kudos to you Akash Sir

  • Ashish

    Very enlightening…. also made me realize a few faults within myself. Thanks Akash :)

  • Sidra

    badly need this today…:)….Thankyou!

  • http://www.facebook.com/harsht08 Harshit Srivastava

    liked it…:)

  • http://www.facebook.com/er.preetichopra.mits Preeti Chopra

    thank u…its gr8 :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/atul.chhabra.13 Atul Chhabra

    also write
    7 habits of highly Effective Communicators

  • nikita

    people need to stop talking and star listening.

  • http://www.facebook.com/priyanka.parhi Priyanka Parhi

    totally agree… thanks..

  • bhatia

    as usual an adonic article

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Devesh-Bhatt/1672944806 Devesh Bhatt

    helpful .

  • honey

    ji hum think karne lage,,ur awesome..

  • http://www.facebook.com/vikas.tripathi.50890 Vikas Tripathi

    awesome as ever akash although i know the power of silence but some qualities from above had crept in me lately as i thought i was helping people and making hem laugh but i was ending up becoming a VK.

  • Sameer

    Reminds me of a a quote out of chanakya niti
    “wise men think what they say whereas fools say what they think” :)

  • Eeshita

    And suddenly i feel like i must curtail my gossiping and talks before i become the next VK 😀
    indeed a great article as always sir :)

  • Soumya Parida

    Absolutely a nice 1 sir… 7 habits of ineffective communicators

  • r

    gud one!! akash’s blogs are one of the most interesting and influential blogs i have ever come across!! keep posting sir!!

  • Virel Pandya

    g8, Sir, its really awesome. Enjoyed it a lot and Learned a lot more. As usual you’ve cracked it this time also. Keep it on….

  • http://www.facebook.com/sanjay.pathania.18 Sanjay Pathania

    Keep it up buddy !!

  • divya lingwal

    absolutely correct.. hope all the VK’s read it and change for the better, otherwise life wont remain easier for non-VK ‘s .. and sir ,your every blog is so much interesting and knowledgeable .. keep posting, here are the followers (y)

  • http://www.facebook.com/arsh.boparai.37 Arsh Boparai

    gud1 akash……

  • Tanya

    Thank You..!!! IT really helped me to let me know that i should not react to gossiping and 24*7 mother in laws…

  • http://www.facebook.com/aseembajaj01 Bajaj Aseem

    Interesting.

  • shashanko aditya

    Thanks for sharing sir…. I realized, I too kill people with my never ending stories…… i will try and improve my skills now…..

    • Manu Bajpai

      :)

      • Manu Bajpai

        @Akash sir, sir it’s me who introduced him to your blog.
        ye hum nahi, humare andar ka CKB bol raha hai …he he 😀 😀

  • http://twitter.com/MehaGupta Meha Gupta

    Thanks a lot for sharing it Akash..
    Would really appreciate if you come up with the solution of tackling such “7 highly Ineffective communicators” too.. :)

  • Lisa Sahoo

    thanks akash…..u hv thrown light to many aspects which i never thought abt.thnk u

  • PM

    Thanks Akash very enlightening has provoked introspective thoughts within…..

  • deepak kumar yadav

    nice …m waitin 4 next (y)

  • Rahul sharma

    Again Impressive, Effective and realistic thoughts of Akash sir…

  • preeti

    hello AAkash sir..
    After reading your blog, I get to know some of my useless habits…thanks for making me realized where i’am wrong..:-)

  • anonymous

    since we are indians…keeping quiet also has spiritual significance!..tis the best way to avoid a negative argument!…while keeping our heart and mind healthy

  • MS

    ‘Demand is always inversely proportional to Price’. Really?

  • http://www.facebook.com/shubham.somani.393 Shubham Somani

    I like your post …..the story, gossips, attention seeking,etc all are fabulous….this is awesome.

  • Skumar

    Great write up Sir. It makes me think our schooling years also decided the communicator we turn into. I was reading a blog for SRK called the Decent Stalker wherein there was a piece of how horse blinkered our education system is. This made me feel that such horse blinkeredness will attract the gossiping communicator style very much towards a person; and most of the times, that person will take up the style willingly.

  • Prakash edookan

    Good one in common used language

  • Akanksha

    wonderful…as usual…the brevity in ur write ups, communicates the best and the most

  • Akanksha

    wonderful…as usual..bevity of ur write ups, communicates the best and the most

  • Ratul Roy Chowdhury

    this blog is jus awesome… n have learnt a lot from u, bhaiya…..thanks a lot… :-)

  • Harshit Jaiswal

    Mr akash gautam words of wisdom you
    write. I just have a few questions, would you please care to answer:

    1.A truly confident person has
    nothing to prove
    VK here seems to be longing for a kind of social attention, which
    justifies his habit of bothering people. And you’re suggesting that VK should keep shut and do
    his work, given that he does great work, people will walk up to him?

    ·
    Well, What if there is somebody
    who does better work than him?

    ·
    What if people respected him
    professionally but didn’t give a shit about him personally?

    ·
    Do you think that it might have been your cousin’s
    impatience that lead him to dislike the conversation? After all, BEAUTY
    LIES IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER, don’t you think?

    ·
    Would there have been a
    possibility that VK actually believed his life to be more of a celebration that
    he in all his willingness(not fighting for a part in the spotlight0 wants to share it with people, and it was his
    way of connecting with people?

    2.Gossiping: what if people don’t like to read your blog
    in their free time? What if they prefer something personal? They shouldn’t be
    saying something they themselves have not seen, but shouldn’t they keep their
    ears open, just in case(JIC) they need that information in particular for
    something productive, would it not save them time, energy and self-respect
    spent on creeping up information?

    You say in your article,”Then
    how can you make a statement to the world if you also gossip” Seriously? I thought ”A truly confident person has nothing to prove”

    3.
    Insecure people usually talk the
    maximum. They are always chasing the spotlight in some way or the other I speak a lot. I do it because
    I’m not afraid of the opinions people might have about me. Talking a lot is
    actually standing in the spot light and not chasing it, it involves coming out
    of the comfort zone rather than sitting silently on the backseat, waiting for
    the anchor to appreciate my good looks, don’t you think?

    And everybody is chasing the spotlight. I know this because of the brand of the
    car you bought after you became successful.

    4.
    Giving free and unnecessary advices Don’t
    you make a living out of giving advices?
    The only difference between you and VK is you have proven your
    legitimacy and you monetize it. So people come to you for advice. Advice that
    comes unasked for worthless and is not different from what you give because
    only a man can help himself not a man on the mike or a blogger, howsoever smart
    he proves himself to be.

    5.
    When we speak a lot we increase our
    chances to make a social error Are
    you saying that we do not speak just for fear of making a mistake? Are you not
    making your readers more conscious of what they speak? How can one fall unless he stands up, and how
    will he walk if doesn’t get up.

    I have met many ” Vks and uncles on flight” and I’ll tell you
    I listened and enjoyed listening. It was the kind of knowledge that only comes
    with experience. I was glad that they shared their experience with me. So I
    would advise you to be a bit more open to what people say and if possible
    guruji please be a bit considerate.

    If you are not patient enough or as
    matter of fact not in the perfect mood to listen to anybody, why not say
    politely to the uncle that you need to sleep, or tell VK that somebody is waiting for you at
    home and I give you my word, they will let you go without taking an ounce of
    offence. But please don’t confuse your chicken-ness as politeness and think of yourself a martyr
    to somebody’s low intellect verbal masturbation, which was only said to make a
    connection with you than to fill the tank of one’s own vanity. But ofcourse
    your stamina couldn’t stand up to that. What a shame!

    And if you think this is some mantra to success you were giving.
    I’ll tell something. If being myself means boring someone and that makes me
    comfortable in my skin, I’ll surely as hell do it. There is no higher success
    than loving yourself, try that sometime!

    Listening is an integral part of what
    you’re asking us to do, yet your article seems to be a testimonial of a frustrated person who thinks
    he has listened a lot and has cooked up his own theories of how to seem smart.
    You are misleading people and setting them in self destruct mode. Only a man
    can help himself, you can help him help himself but not by writing blogs.

  • Harshit Jaiswal

    Mr akash gautam words of wisdom you
    write. I just have a few questions, would you please care to answer:

    1.A truly confident person has
    nothing to prove
    VK here seems to be longing for a kind of social attention, which
    justifies his habit of bothering people. And you’re suggesting that VK should keep shut and do
    his work, given that he does great work, people will walk up to him?

    ·
    Well, What if there is somebody
    who does better work than him?

    ·
    What if people respected him
    professionally but didn’t give a shit about him personally?

    ·
    Do you think that it might have been your cousin’s
    impatience that lead him to dislike the conversation? After all, BEAUTY
    LIES IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER, don’t you think?

    ·
    Would there have been a
    possibility that VK actually believed his life to be more of a celebration that
    he in all his willingness(not fighting for a part in the spotlight0 wants to share it with people, and it was his
    way of connecting with people?

    2.Gossiping: what if people don’t like to read your blog
    in their free time? What if they prefer something personal? They shouldn’t be
    saying something they themselves have not seen, but shouldn’t they keep their
    ears open, just in case(JIC) they need that information in particular for
    something productive, would it not save them time, energy and self-respect
    spent on creeping up information?

    You say in your article,”Then
    how can you make a statement to the world if you also gossip” Seriously? I thought ”A truly confident person has nothing to prove”

    3.
    Insecure people usually talk the
    maximum. They are always chasing the spotlight in some way or the other I speak a lot. I do it because
    I’m not afraid of the opinions people might have about me. Talking a lot is
    actually standing in the spot light and not chasing it, it involves coming out
    of the comfort zone rather than sitting silently on the backseat, waiting for
    the anchor to appreciate my good looks, don’t you think?

    And everybody is chasing the spotlight. I know this because of the brand of the
    car you bought after you became successful.

    4.
    Giving free and unnecessary advices Don’t
    you make a living out of giving advices?
    The only difference between you and VK is you have proven your
    legitimacy and you monetize it. So people come to you for advice. Advice that
    comes unasked for worthless and is not different from what you give because
    only a man can help himself not a man on the mike or a blogger, howsoever smart
    he proves himself to be.

    5.
    When we speak a lot we increase our
    chances to make a social error Are
    you saying that we do not speak just for fear of making a mistake? Are you not
    making your readers more conscious of what they speak? How can one fall unless he stands up, and how
    will he walk if doesn’t get up.

    I have met many ” Vks and uncles on flight” and I’ll tell you
    I listened and enjoyed listening. It was the kind of knowledge that only comes
    with experience. I was glad that they shared their experience with me. So I
    would advise you to be a bit more open to what people say and if possible
    guruji please be a bit considerate.

    If you are not patient enough or as
    matter of fact not in the perfect mood to listen to anybody, why not say
    politely to the uncle that you need to sleep, or tell VK that somebody is waiting for you at
    home and I give you my word, they will let you go without taking an ounce of
    offence. But please don’t confuse your chicken-ness as politeness and think of yourself a martyr
    to somebody’s low intellect verbal masturbation, which was only said to make a
    connection with you than to fill the tank of one’s own vanity. But ofcourse
    your stamina couldn’t stand up to that. What a shame!

    And if you think this is some mantra to success you were giving.
    I’ll tell something. If being myself means boring someone and that makes me
    comfortable in my skin, I’ll surely as hell do it. There is no higher success
    than loving yourself, try that sometime!

    Listening is an integral part of what
    you’re asking us to do, yet your article seems to be a testimonial of a frustrated person who thinks
    he has listened a lot and has cooked up his own theories of how to seem smart.
    You are misleading people and setting them in self destruct mode. Only a man
    can help himself, you can help him help himself but not by writing blogs.

  • Preeti

    “”permanent fault finding microscope in their eyes”” The best statement which i can also use for my friends who hav that kind of microscope 😉 😉

  • Divy Bhatia

    Thankyou Akash Sir for the healthy tips of not communicating

  • Mihir Mehta

    Wonderfully written and definitely compels to question oneself about his/her VK quotient.

  • Shobhit

    Good one…:)

  • Anushka

    A long Post after a long time.. And worth the wait. Akash please blog more frequently.. Your status updates are amzing but your Blog posts steal the show and are much more impactful.. Thanks for this..

  • Srinivas Rao P

    Somehow this article is not relevant in current age. I do not find people talking away the way the article is portraying. It is always good to encourage to communicate and motivate people to communicate than to just chat on phones. I see people struggling to utter even a few words when necessity arises. Not a good article.

  • Mithila

    Good one!! So true..

  • Ishan Jain

    Thanks for making us realizing,
    what we’re losing for not being Vk’s… J 😉

    Will improve for sure…

  • shakshi sharma

    dear sir,
    I worked as a trainee in a company but office politics at times really irritated me , I got frustrated but kept quite there came a time I couldnt hold my frustration and decided to move out as a result of which I had an argument with my Boss and back answered him .It was unprofessional. I still feel guilty over everything. Plaese tell me how to cope with such situations in future?

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