This post is for all the beautiful women out there who keep on thinking, ‘what went wrong/is going wrong between us’. This post is also for all those men, who think that their lady needs to understand them better, despite the fact that they know you inside out; 14 things women need to stop doing right away! (Warning: It is a long post. I had so much to say!)
Before my fair ladies and many of the enlightened men jump on their high horses and start berating me for this ‘chauvinist’ post, please stop to consider – I am not being a chauvinist. I am just pointing out mistakes people do, that can put a burden on their relationships. I am a Motivational Speaker and this is my job, to call a spade a spade; and maybe to even metaphorically hit you with one should the need arise.
Different men like different things about women (and not the widely held belief that all men like only one thing about women). It is difficult and wrong to generalize. However, I am going to write about ‘what most men like/do not like about their ladies’; and things women need to stop doing right away -a few lessons that I learnt over some 20 odd years and also after a few break ups. I am not a professional in this field, don’t get me wrong. Just an effort to make it simple for those who are still struggling. 🙂
Yes there is a book called, ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’ but the truth is – both are from earth and they need to deal with each other. You cannot do much about aspects as your physical appearances / oddities in personalities; but you can always mould yourself a little bit and avoid the tough way. Most men or women in relationships who I meet; are mostly either bored of each other & are just pushing the relationship or failing to re-create the magic in spite of their best attempts.
Trust us — You are very beautiful and we just cannot do without you. You symbolize strength; as we men can never have the patience to labor and raise kids. We love you a lot but there are some things which do make us say “Janam Samjha Karo”! Some women after this blog post might want to answer me back at my face saying that ‘Akash you are a male chauvinistic Zebra’. Others might want to bring the lady inside them out and ‘Silence me with a few strong words’. Please know that your offense is never my intent. There are people who really do these mistakes. And a true feminist would want everyone to improve equally, wouldn’t they?
1. Emotional Overdose:
We prefer/love women who bring with them ‘fewer emotional issues’. By this I do not mean that you must not share your emotions. But, we like women with simpler emotions. Ladies — we love women who have more sense of humor & less sense of rumor. We will get bound to become your fans ‘if you make us laugh’.
And then you also complain about —‘Tumhare paas mere liye time nahin hain, meri baat suntay taq nahin ho’. Mata ji — kaisey sunein ? Apni baat ki recording karo aur khud ko sunao . Kya sun paaogee ?
Understand we are all (both you and me) a stressed and somewhat messed up lot. We already are handling emotions at our workplaces etc . If you add your ‘Laughter & Fun’ to our lives we will just worship you. However- What you usually do is that you make us compete with your ‘emotional lesser competence’.
Yes, getting emotional is not something one can help and that is what makes us human. But we would appreciate if our lady is not emotional for 18 hours a day. ‘Ye tumhara Dil hai ya kambaqth BSNL ka Broadband Connection jo Baat ! Be Baat pe toottaa rehta hai ’. ‘Drama’ is for school girls. We men love adult, mature girls. Keep KISSing (Keeping it Simple Silly).
2. We LIKE you to be INDEPENDENT & SMART too:
Gone are the days when we wanted you to love/ respect us for the fact that we earn money and are stronger in most ways. We have realized that you are Equal. Now you also need to accept the same and make us believe that you accept it like that. We will love you if you are independent financially, emotionally and intellectually too.
We prefer our women to have ‘Personalities’. We want you to spend a little more on yourself and look that extra smart (by looking after yourself well). Yes! We are bound to cherish your company ‘if you prefer being physically fit over looking like emotionally hit’. We love confident women. We will promise to love you till the time India wins FIFA —‘if you are a fluent communicator and a smart talker’. Trust me — we will always be needing reasons to look up to your personality. You might think — ‘All this is conditional love’. If it is — ‘then let it be’. This is modern MEN. Deal with us.
Ladies — Aaj , Kal aur Parson — Let ONLY one heart beat for you forever and let that be YOUR OWN Heart. Seek your guy’s ‘Respect’ & not ‘Attention’. Trust me the former lasts longer. School girls are thirsty for attention. Ladies maintain standards. Remember, ‘Demand is always inversely proportional to Price’.
3. Overdoing Care:
We know you care for us. And you care a lot. And trust me we appreciate that. But, we just do not like the fact that you treat us as 10 year olds. It is not funny and lovely always. Remember, too much rain = mud which is not pleasant. Sometimes, you need to let us be.
Ladies, a very important – please do not facilitate the raising of an entire generation of men who would starve to death if left on their own. If you care enough for them, you would invest in making them stronger, more self reliant and complete – instead of being dependent on you for basic survival!
4. Dooriyan bhi hai zaroori:
Research says that couples in relationships often feel distant from one another once in a while and they don’t feel like talking/hanging out. It is perfectly normal and not a sign of breaking up. So please stop getting all paranoid and emotional if we are a little withdrawn. It is nothing, most likely.
Rather you must purposefully ignore us. It puts our brain in place. We will feel more attracted to you. And make sure that when you are ignoring us- you maintain your style and smile. We will run faster to get back to you then. Give us time to miss you, how I am suppose to miss you when you are always there. OR give us time to miss you then see how passionately I KISS you 🙂
Do Badan – Aek Jaan is OUT;
Do Badan – Teesri Jaan is IN …
Do read: Lovepal Bill for the Corrupt Dil
If all your focus is just on the relationship; that is when it will not work. Create a common interest /a common goal / a common path- to move on; rather than focusing ON the relationship ALL THE TIME. Create HAPPY & SMART Relationships; not INDIA TV types.
Even computers need REFRESH button and after that it performs better. Find your refreshment time to perform better in life.
5. We are not story tellers:
Most men are incapable of telling stories which could have been wound up in a sentence. In short, we love the song ‘seedhe point pe aao naa’. We know you like to talk to us but please stick to your girlfriends for all the gossips that are related to beauty parlors and spas and salons. And yes, that doesn’t mean we dislike long conversations. But, there is a basic need. It is called ‘interest’- talk about ‘me and you, and not ‘wo aur uske wo’, progress in life, not ‘kaun bhaga with kiski wife’, fun, making OUR lives better instead of thinking ‘kiski saaree kisse better’ and we will be yours throughout the conversations. You be our inspiration, please!
6. Don’t be a Sherlock Holmes:
Allow us some guys time out. And for God’s sake do not be like Kalki Kochlin in ZNMD. We like our space. We would like to hand over our Facebook password / phone passwords only when we feel like. Allow us that bit of liberty and freedom. We will tell you if we saw some really pretty lady on the road when we are sure enough that you can handle it well (everyone is allowed to have a look at the menu even if they don’t order). We will appreciate if you don’t scan our laptops/emails/messages every second hour. If there is any ‘shaq’ on your mind, just ask it and get it sorted. This ‘detectiveness’ breeds unhealthiness. Not desired.
7. Control freaks — NO!
One of the things women need to stop doing is being control freak. It is okay if the room is messed up, t-shirt untucked, the food at home is not of your liking, things are not at place. If we are of the organized kind, we will remain organized without you telling us. Accept it as a part of ‘who we are’. I am not saying you should not try to correct.
But continuously nagging about these things makes you a control freak in our eyes. Like you, we also like praise. Our requirements are fewer. We can manage with women ‘not criticizing’ us always. A compliment here and there once in a blue moon works like ‘extra cheese on the garlic bread without extra charge’.
Let me share a huge secret ladies. The men are not perfect, just like you are not. And that leaves so much room for improvement, with lots of love and a little care. Train us, according to your needs – but with constructive criticism and careful, logical arguments – and not by emotional screaming fights!
8. Shopping = Sigh!
We cannot shop like you. Well, majority of us can’t. We go to the shop we want to and buy what we want to buy. That’s it. We do not get the concept of scanning 50 shops and not buying what we wanted to. And there are much better ways to spend time than to go window shopping. Yes we like to buy gifts for you and make you smile. But please don’t stretch it beyond our tolerance levels (which are considerably lower than yours when it comes to such things).
9. Difficult Questions:
So you took 2 hours to get dressed up for a party. We love to compliment our women and make them smile. Honestly we do. But, we just do not know how to answer the questions- ‘Am I looking fat? Is this dress looking good on me? Is my hairstyle okay? Should I get my hair trimmed? Is the make-up too loud?’ If there is anything wrong, we will let you know because we want our lady to look the prettiest of them all. But most ladies are not capable of taking these criticisms in good humor and couples end up fighting and cancelling the party altogether).
If your emotional competence is taking time to strengthen itself, please let us know!
10. Assumptions are not REAL:
You must have heard, ‘when you assume, you make an ass of you and me’. So, please don’t assume things. If we are not taking your call / getting home late, it might so happen that we are really busy and not just ‘avoiding you/having another affair’. There might be other female friends which are special too.
Please have faith that you are special and no one can take your place. But, also understand how monotonous life would be if we both have just both of us for ourselves. The relationship will get boring then. Please don’t think too much! Most of us are not the douchebags that you come across on TV 🙂
11. It is about SEX but NOT always!
Accept it -Most relationships begin with ‘physical attractions’ for us. Love develops gradually and later on. If we really love you, it will not be about sex always. You will have to believe that. Do not think that we are that ‘Ghadi Detergent advertisement always- ‘pehle istemaal karein ; phir Vishwaas Karein’.
Whether we like it or not, physical relations and intimacy is always a sensitive topic. And if you demand sensibility from us, we do too! Both the parties handle it with care. If your answer is ‘NO’, there are better ways to say it rather than, ‘all you want is Sex’. Your guy will understand if he really is your guy.
Please try not to put the very foundation of your relationship into jeopardy with this cliched sentence. Because if this intention does not turn out to be true then it creates a chasm forever. Talk it out. Communicate instead of letting bad feelings simmer within. Ladies- please be very careful here as most men are likely to react weird when they are told a ‘NO’ about it. Let your gut feeling decide if he is the kind of guy who would sex you out and then Ex you out. Cinderella didn’t have to take off her dress off to win her Prince Charming, and you should not either.
(If sex obsession is an issue in your relationship / life, you might want to read ‘Vicky Loner‘.)
“Not always SEXcessfull relationships are successful”. Both the things are important chahe ho “part” ya “heart”.
So ladies, we do love you a lot. After all, you make this place and our lives more beautiful and worthwhile. It is just a small request. We like things to be simple and only you can do that for us! 🙂
We are nothing without you. Sachi keh raha hoon — ‘by God ! Ki kasam hai’ 🙂
Gentlemen, may be you need to share it with you lady and your friend’s lady too! And ladies, may be you should share it with all the wonderful women you know and help them improve their relationships!
P.S – Sequel on ‘Why relationships fail because of Men’ coming soon!