This post is for all the beautiful women out there who keep on thinking, ‘what went wrong/is going wrong between us’. This post is also for all those men, who think that their lady needs to understand them better, despite the fact that they know you inside out 😉 (Warning: It is a long post. I had so much to say!)
Different men like different things about women (and not the widely held belief that all men like only one thing about women). It is difficult and wrong to generalize. However, I am going to write about ‘what most men like/do not like about their ladies’; a few lessons that I learnt over some 20 odd years and also after a few break ups. I am not a professional in this field, don’t get me wrong. Just an effort to make it simple for those who are still struggling.
Yes there is a book called, ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’ but the truth is – both are from earth and they need to deal with each other. You cannot do much about aspects as your physical appearances / oddities in personalities; but you can always mould yourself a little bit and avoid the tough way. Most men or women in relationships who I meet; are mostly either bored of each other & are just pushing the relationship or failing to re-create the magic in spite of their best attempts.
Trust us — You are very beautiful and we just cannot do without you. You symbolize strength; as we men can never have the patience to labor and raise kids. We love you a lot but there are some things which do make us say “Janam Samjha Karo”! Some women after this blog post might want to answer me back at my face saying that ‘Akash you are a male chauvinistic Zebra’. Others might want to bring the lady inside them out and ‘Silence me with a few strong words’. Please feel free to send your love messages either as comments below or if they contain too much love for me- please email at firstname.lastname@example.org .
1. Emotional Overdose:
We prefer/love women who bring with them ‘fewer emotional issues’. By this I do not mean that you must not share your emotions. But, we like women with simpler emotions. Ladies — we love women who have more sense of humor & less sense of rumor. We will get bound to become your fans ‘if you make us laugh’. Please avoid telling us your stories about ‘What happened today & why your dad is the best or what do you feel about this, about that, about everything possible ’.
And then you also complain about —‘Tumhare paas mere liye time nahin hain, meri baat suntay taq nahin ho’. Mata ji — kaisey sunein ? Apni baat ki recording karo aur khud ko sunao . Kya sun paaogee ?
Understand we already are a stressed and somewhat messed up lot. We already are handling emotions at our workplaces etc . If you add your ‘Laughter & Fun’ to our lives we will just worship you. However- What you usually do is that you make us compete with your ‘emotional lesser competence’.
Yes, getting emotional is not something one can help and that is what makes us human. But we would appreciate if our lady is not emotional for 18 hours a day. ‘Ye tumhara Dil hai ya kambaqth BSNL ka Broadband Connection jo Baat ! Be Baat pe toottaa rehta hai ’. ‘Drama’ is for school girls. We men love adult, mature girls. Keep KISSing (Keeping it Simple Silly).
2.We LIKE you to be INDEPENDENT & SMART too:
Gone are the days when we wanted you to love/ respect us for the fact that we earn money and are stronger in most ways. We have accepted that you are Equal. Now you also need to accept the same and make us believe that you accept it like that. We will love you if you are independent financially, emotionally and intellectually too. We prefer our women to have ‘Personalities’. We want you to spend a little more on yourself and look that extra smart. Yes! You cannot do much about your figure/ your looks; but yes you can definitely purchase the best apparel to accentuate that. We are bound to cherish your company ‘if you prefer being physically fit over looking like emotionally hit’. We love confident women. We will promise to love you till the time India wins FIFA —‘if you are a fluent communicator and a smart talker’. Trust me — we will always be needing reasons to look up to your personality. You might think — ‘All this is conditional love’. If it is — ‘then let it be’. This is modern MEN. Deal with us.
Ladies — Aaj , Kal aur Parson — Let ONLY one heart beat for you forever and let that be YOUR OWN Heart. Seek your guy’s ‘Respect’ & not ‘Attention’. Trust me the former lasts longer. School girls are thirsty for attention. Ladies maintain standards. Remember, ‘Demand is always inversely proportional to Price’.
We know you care for us. And you care a lot. And trust me we appreciate that. But, we just do not like the fact that you treat us as 10 year olds. It is not funny and lovely always. Remember, too much rain = mud which is not pleasant. Sometimes, you need to let us be. We are grown up enough to know what is right and wrong and take care of ourselves. You can do that 70% of the times. Leave 30% to us.
4.Dooriyan bhi hai zaroori:
Research says that men do feel distant once in a while and they don’t feel like talking/hanging out. It is perfectly normal and not a sign of breaking up. So please stop getting all paranoid and emotional. We also like women who panic at cockroaches and not ‘very normal situations’ (if you know what I mean).
Rather you must purposefully ignore us. It puts our brain in place. We will feel more attracted to you. And make sure that when you are ignoring us- you maintain your style and smile. We will run faster to get back to you then. Give us time to miss you, how I am suppose to miss you when you are always there. OR give us time to miss you then see how passionately I KISS you
Do Badan – Aek Jaan is OUT;
Do Badan – Teesri Jaan is IN …
If all your focus is just on the relationship; that is when it will not work. Create a common interest /a common goal / a common path- to move on; rather than focusing ON the relationship ALL THE TIME. Create HAPPY & SMART Relationships; not INDIA TV types.
Even computers need REFRESH button and after that it performs better ….. Find your refreshment time to perform better in life.
5. We are not story tellers:
Men are incapable of telling stories which could have been wound up in a sentence. In short, we love the song ‘seedhe point pe aao naa’. We know you like to talk to us but please stick to your girlfriends for all the gossips that are related to beauty parlors and spas and salons. And yes, that doesn’t mean we dislike long conversations. But, there is a basic need. It is called ‘interest’- talk about ‘me and you, and not ‘wo aur uske wo’, progress in life, not ‘kaun bhaga with kiski wife’, fun, making OUR lives better instead of thinking ‘kiski saaree kisse better’ and we will be yours throughout the conversations.
6. Don’t be a Sherlock Holmes:
Allow us some guys time out. And for God’s sake do not be like Kalki Kochlin in ZNMD. We like our space. We would like to hand over our facebook password / phone passwords only when we feel like. Allow us that bit of liberty and freedom. We will tell you if we saw some really pretty lady on the road when we are sure enough that you can handle it well (everyone is allowed to have a look at the menu even if they don’t order). We will appreciate if you don’t scan our laptops/emails/messages every second hour. If there is any ‘shaq’ on your mind, just ask it and get it sorted. This ‘detectiveness’ breeds unhealthiness. Not desired.
7. Control freaks — NO!
Please don’t be a control freak. It is okay if the room is messed up, t-shirt untucked, the food at home is not of your liking, things are not at place. If we are of the organized kind, we will remain organized without you telling us. Accept it as a part of ‘who we are’. I am not saying you should not try to correct. But continuously nagging about these things makes you a control freak in our eyes. Like you, we also like praise. Our requirements are fewer. We can manage with women ‘not criticizing’ us always. A compliment here and there once in a blue moon works like ‘extra cheese on the garlic bread without extra charge’.
8. Sorry Babu! We are NOT cheesy/mushy always:
‘I love you my cutu sweetu shona. You are my honeybunch,my poogly woogly’ and whatever names you come up with. Seriously, we don’t like them! A ‘sweetheart’/’babu’/ ‘jaan’ works wonders. No extra toppings please. The care and attention you give us speaks volumes about your love. But not this. Men in general are not capable of being mushy 24×7. Please deal with it.
So much ‘Awwww’ ladies do at so many things in a day. Just recollect the longest Awwwwwwww ! from any lady that you last heard. Did not you feel that it was very close to an AwwwwwwRGASM. A typical melodramatic girl is like — ‘Jab bhi koi Teddy / Sweet Kutta / Caring Boy dekhun — mera dil deewana bole — Awwwley ! Awwwley ! Awwwley !
9. Shopping = Sigh!
We cannot shop like you. We go to the shop we want to and buy what we want to buy. That’s it. We do not get the concept of scanning 50 shops and not buying what we wanted to. And there are much better ways to spend time than to go window shopping. Yes we like to buy gifts for you and make you smile. But please don’t stretch it beyond our tolerance levels (which are considerably lower than yours when it comes to such things).
10. Difficult Questions:
So you took 2 hours to get dressed up for a party. We love to compliment our women and make them smile. Honestly we do. But, we just do not know how to answer the questions- ‘Am I looking fat? Is this dress looking good on me? Is my hairstyle okay? Should I get my hair trimmed? Is the make-up too loud?’ If there is anything wrong, we will let you know because we want our lady to look the prettiest of them all. So, please don’t ask these questions more than once(one time exemption granted) / please be satisfied with what we answer (argue only if you can take it as good humor and don’t end up fighting and cancelling the party altogether). Why ask questions which you know will make us go mad! KISS KISS …keep KISSING
11. Yes! We have a memory problem:
We do not have a poor memory! We just tend to forget dates. Blame the newest technologies that allow reminders. Not our fault if the ‘first kiss anniversary’ alarm didn’t ring at 12 am in the morning. What is more important is the fact that we can still celebrate it in a special and beautiful way. And guess what, if you happily remind us and then snuggle up for a cozy wish instead of throwing a tantrum for forgetting a special date, it feels really great and relieving. Yes, we are not allowed to forget your birthdays I agree. And trust me we try not to. But it is not such a huge crime for which we get a ‘to be hanged till death’ punishment. GIVE US A PUNISHMENT WHICH MAKES US GO SHORT ON OUR BREATH ;-), FINE US WID EXTRA PYAAR AND NOT EMOTIONAL ATYACHAR. A relationship should be free of all formalities isn’t it? Where you forgive and forget such small little crimes (see! We do consider it to be a crime)
12. Assumptions are not REAL:
You must have heard, ‘when you assume, you make an ass of you and me’. So, please don’t assume things. If we are not taking your call / getting home late, it might so happen that we are really busy and not just ‘avoiding you/having another affair’. There might be other female friends which are special too. Please have faith that you are special and no one can take your place. But, also understand how monotonous life would be if we both have just both of us for ourselves. The relationship will get boring then. Don’t think too much!
13. It is about SEX but NOT always!
Accept it -Most relationships begin with ‘physical attractions’ for us. Love develops gradually and later on. If we really love you, it will not be about sex always. You will have to believe that. Do not think that we are that ‘Ghadi Detergent advertisement always- ‘pehle istemaal karein ; phir Vishwaas Karein’. Whether we like it or not, physical relations and intimacy is always a sensitive topic. And if you demand sensibility from us, we do too! Both the parties handle it with care. If your answer is ‘NO’, there are better ways to say it rather than, ‘all you want is Sex’. Your guy will understand if he really is your guy. Please try not to put the very foundation of your relationship into jeopardy with this clichÃ©d sentence. Because if this intention does not turn out to be true then it creates a chasm forever. Talk it out. Communicate instead of letting bad feelings simmer within. Ladies- please be very careful here as most men are likely to react weird when they are told a ‘NO’ about it. Let your gut feeling decide if he is the kind of guy who would sex you out and then Ex you out. Cinderella didn’t have to take off her dress off to win her Prince Charming, and you should not either.
“Not always SEXcessfull relationships are successful”. Both the things are important chahe ho “part” ya “heart”.
14. Yes! We sleep after sex. So what?
After sex we like to remain quiet, we like to be a bit distant, we like to sleep. All of it is hormonal and not intentional. Please don’t start inferring things on your whims if your guy falls asleep / doesn’t feel like holding hands. We are born that way and we cannot help it. And we would really appreciate if you don’t get extra emotional after making love. Yes we love you but extra emotions always means more to handle when we are busy catching our breath & finding our underwear
So ladies, we do love you a lot. After all, you make this place and our lives more beautiful and worthwhile. It is just a small request. We like things to be simple and only you can do that for us!
We are nothing without you. Sachi keh raha hoon — ‘by God ! Ki kasam hai’
Gentlemen, may be you need to share it with you lady and your friend’s lady too! And ladies, may be you should share it with all the wonderful women you know and help them improve their relationships! The sharing options are below the post and on your left.
Thank you for sticking with me till the end!
P.S – Sequel on ‘Why relationships fail because of Men’ coming soon!