“LIKE ME’ — Please , Please , Please…” –  the ‘Like Me’ syndrome we all suffer from !

The Problem:
Our ego may think otherwise but a majority of us have ‘extra ordinary’ desires to get accepted and get LIKED by people around us. It is very human and an OK thing. In fact, it is all the more important that you be liked by people around you especially when you are working in teams, organizations etc because people purchase from a point of emotional contact.

The problem comes when this desire to get ‘LIKED’ & ‘ACCEPTED’   and ‘SHOWING that you are MAKING PROGRESS’ assumes an XL Size.

The Why behind it:
Normally, maximum emotional development happens between the ages of 6 and 20. But for some, it might not really happen that well because of issues at home & environment. Such people then keep on playing the ‘emotional catching up game’ almost their entire lives. They give their emotions a lot of importance; chasing them like they chase their ‘perfect partner(s)’. ‘I am feeling like this, I felt ignored’, ‘Why this happens to me’, ‘Why did he / she leave me’, ‘Why fewer people like me’, ‘there is a vacuum / emptiness in my life (‘Emptiness’ plays on their music system in loops)’, ‘I am bored’ are a few common examples of emotions which I answer almost daily; as a part of my work. “Bhai jazbaat hai yaa maayke se aaya dahej ka samaan!”

Let me ask you a question? When your own opinions about people, places, and things change every few days or even hours, then why are you stuck in your emotional moment? Things & opinions about the ‘same issue’ will soon change and you’ll get a useless feeling in the long run because you ruined your precious time then. Excessive Sentimentalism & Emotionalism is like ‘rain falling continuously for days and days’… It will only lead to mud (Keechad).

At times I wonder ‘why a lot of us are just ‘Aiwayein Khajal’ (i.e. Feel useless)?

The reason is that our lesser ‘Emotional Competence’ makes us ignore our ‘CORE’ needs. All we do is – Blame, Complaint & Finger pointing. A big part of us is comprised of -over emotion, artificiality, fear & at times – ‘JLTO – ‘just like that only’. I see 9 out of 10 people around ‘NOT SURE’ about themselves, their acts etc. This is because they are doing things either in fear or to impress others.

Desperation Repels:
I see majority people spending so much energy in telling the world that they are a ‘Freak’ & a ‘Cool’ guy / girl ? . Koi Faaydaa nahin ... Facebook is the only place where someone likes your status & gives advice. In the real life, people are jealous & mired in their own never ending ‘muddas’. So, why make superlatives statements to the world e.g. ‘I did this, I did that, I went to Goa, I bought the new Mac, My first salary cheque, Me, Chadha, Gupta at a party’ etc etc . What will happen — when you do this: You’ll exhaust so much energy as you’ll eternally try to live up to that cool dude image.  If you really want ATTENTION; stop seeking it. Create a ‘Quiet kind of a confidence’. Just keep on making smart progress and the amplification of your progress will automatically happen to the world. It will be more effective than when you shout / announce about it. Desperation repels.

What Happens Next?
The advanced stage of unmanaged EMOTIONS is ‘DRAMA’. Somewhere we end up creating / becoming a part of lot of drama in our life. Trust me- Drama is a v heavy baggage especially the Melodrama. It looks good only during plays. Not in real life. No matter how much you love & care for someone, sometimes you have to walk away from negative people and their drama for your own peace of mind. Drama is for Ekta Kapoor or for school kids; not for grown up people. It is time to graduate. Achievers avoid drama, for they know their time is precious and they are not wasting it on foolish people or trivial things.

My learning from my mistake:
I say all this with experience. I uselessly spent a lot of years of my life – so much on the basis of ‘praise’ & ‘criticism’ of people around me. When I look back now, I feel ‘WTF’. But I have no regret / guilt about it. Reason: I have something to laugh at when I get old. What helped me big time in the last 8-10 years is— the philosophy -‘I do not need much PRAISE; however – I need to PRAISE many a people around’.

We are not here to be ‘LIKED’ by maximum people. You trying to make everyone happy is like Priyanka Chopra trying to keep each of her ex BFs happy and satisfied with her. Imagine the waste of energy that would be! I get super bored & feel yuck whenever I try to make almost everyone around me ‘HAPPY’ with me. I am sure — it happens with you too.  If it does not then trust me- you are on your way to become the ‘Adarsh bahu (bride) of the millennium’; even if you are a man.

Extra & useless emotions will make you desperately blend & bend yourself to become more ‘likable’ to the people around you. Remember: the right people will be attracted to your uniqueness only. When I consciously tried to reduce on trying to impress people around and be nothing but real, 100% genuine ME; something amazing happened: – ‘the right kind of people began to get attracted and the useless ones got flushed out, the right opportunities too came knocking ‘!  When I decided to make only ‘smart progress’ in my life – the best of the best people automatically happened to me. I can boast of some of the best & mad most friends in my life; who I do not need to impress.

The Road Ahead:
Do one thing – Pack your useless emotions in a polythene bag and flush them completely. They are as useful as a used condom is. Even if you are having the worst day of your life (e.g. on day when you managed something like 2 serious waala break ups); you’ll still sleep in the night.  Would not you? Everything moves on. Everyone moves on. No point getting ‘Stuck in any ‘stupidly emotional’ Moment’ !!

Our world is such that ‘Weak’ are made to feel weaker / are exploited more. The ‘strong’ are the ones who do. ‘Weak & Strong’ is the mind not the body. Be the ‘Doer; not merely the ‘Thinker’.

The biggest damage: when you are dealing with small emotional issues & distractions, you will never be able to create BIG breakthroughs for yourself in your life!’

Today: Realize your purpose is too BIG to sweat stupidly emotional things. Keep the lingerie (core emotions) & remove the frills. They look good occasionally, not always.

Emotions are very important in life but ‘Drama / Extra emotions badey nahin Chotey hee achay lagtey hain’.  Don’t let your core be ‘Sentimental Inside’ 🙂

 

You could do 2 things after reading this post:-

1) Share this with your friends and help them be a bit more happier than they are. The sharing options are at your left (on the screen) and at the end of this post.

2) Remember this post and become better at your own ‘Emotional Management’.

One Life ! Rise & Shine & not Sleep & Whine…

 

 

Never miss a single blog post!
& receive them in your mailbox
Thanks for subscription!

About Author

Akash Gautam is a Motivational Speaker & Corporate Trainer in India. Hundreds of Top Corporates like Google, CIPLA, Vodafone, McKinsey & Co., Maruti, HDFC, RIL, M&M & premier colleges like IIMs, IITs, SRCC etc go to him whenever they need a refreshing, big bang impact. Write to usWrite to us to know how he can transform your Team.

  • Debanjan

    Travel light- the best piece of advice i’ve got from u!

  • Deepa

    wow!! it was awesome reading.i felt as if it was a virtual tour while reading it

  • Fantastic post . We should understand our ” LIKE ME PHILIA ” is a PHOBIA for many . Definitely ” CHOTEY HI ACCHE LAGTE HEIN ”

  • Anslgyl

    very well written!! simply awesome

  • Arnika Baranwal

    It is a very good post ”Chotey achay lagtey hain”
    Everyone should read this.

  • SEEMA DWIVEDI

    superb sir, its really nice one and true
    thankx this is tha best advice which i got from u sir

    • AkashGautam

      Thank you Seema 🙂

      Happy to contribute

  • Ashish

    Sir I have read many books and articles by various motivational speakers. All I found out is, I can’t feel connection to their advice or they look superficial. Their motivation is gone as soon as we stop reading those articles.
    Your articles are so much related to each one of us – common people. Everything you wrote here can be directly related to each of our lives. Things you wrote are such that we try to ignore them in our daily lives but they are the ones which are making us waste each and every day.

    Thank you for such a wonderful post. One thing I want to say is – Facebook is the worst invention of this century. It has only filled our lives with tension, it is worst than drugs and alcohol.

    Keep writing and guiding us 🙂

    • AkashGautam

      Hi Ashish!

      Thanks for the appreciation.. Gratitude !

      Motivation will stay as long as u want it to 🙂 . even my words won’t resonate for long if one lets the bad habits to take over & temptations to win.

      Glad I could contribute 🙂

      Akash

  • Gauravjain1702

    The best thing about you is that sir.. U explains every damn tough thing in so simple way,that it directly get struck to the mind and heart 😀 Please write a novel or some monthly types of journal kind of thing on these Youth Types Funda.. Im sure it will surely m/.. Please be More active on this rasta dikhao to youth types of attitude.. It will surely help u and us too 😀 Keep amplifying(B.tech student) 😀 your writing..
    <>..

    • AkashGautam

      Thanks Gaurav 🙂

  • Parul

    Sir u r d best ..superb blog sir ..thank you 🙂

  • Saurabh

    WOW post sir..:)

  • Saurabh

    hi sir..hope you are rocking the place wherever you are..

    ok, here are some weird things , popping up in my mind for last few days..

    In one of our post you said to try & make people around us feel such that they always cherish those moment spent. But in your last 2 posts ,you say sir that it’s not possible to keep everyone equally happy. They’ll keep on nagging at some or the other point.
    So ,here I’m.. a bit confused. How to make those people happy, whom we want to be with..!

    Another thing that I’ve observed off late is that there are many people who need no external motivation to carry on with their jobs. Whereas I’ve also seen people who seek such motivation in whatever they do/want to do. Is there any such phenomena like being obsessed with the need of getting motivated.?

    I hope you got my queries..!..:)

    • AkashGautam

      Hi Saurabh!

      Thanks for the kind words & for the Q … Yes I kinda got your queries 🙂

      Yes I did say that we must try to make people around us happy and make them cherish the moments. But I don’t mean u do it with ‘everyone’… excessive sentimentalism is an ugly scar on any relationship; be they close or not. To make those happy whom u want to be with – I think there is a v simple exercise – never impose yourself. People appreciate freedom only when they get it. Space is important. A perfect balance between – making them happy/being with them & letting them be – that should do the trick.

      As for the 2nd part of the Question – motivation comes out of mental strength & habits. If you are mentally strong to focus only on ahead, chuck your bad habits and not give in to temptations – u won’t lose motivation ever. Most people fail to do so because – they lose control easily. They choose to stay in their comfort zones.. and when results don’t come, they get disheartened and demotivated. It requires character and courage to remain motivated 🙂

      Hope this helps!

      Akash

      • Saurabh

        Thanx Sir,got it..
        But for the 2nd part, i was referring to those who actually dont look out for any such motivational sessions,books, speeches & all, but still ,somehow they manage to make it up whenever the situation demands. They live the life as it unfolds bit by bit..What is it about them..!

        • AkashGautam

          Hi Saurabh !

          Some people just know what they want out of their life. And they want it so bad that nothing can deter them! And that makes all the difference 🙂

  • Rishav kumar

    wonderful blog sir ….thnx 🙂

  • Shilpi

    Got a lot 4m it.
    Thnx a lot akash.

  • Hello sir! I exactly live life the way you mentioned in THE ROAD AHEAD! I removed the trash from my mind and flushed out negative people from my life to stay focused, You have consolidated the way i think. I feel more confident after reading your view 🙂 Thank you so much 🙂

  • Chetan Gupta

    Awesome Sir..!! really loved it..!!

  • Sapna Shukla395

    hello sir.. luv ur posts n the way u make things easy to understand..sir one question that makes me unrest is that “how to balance between head and heart,emotions and rational”..plz help me out to know ans. of this quest.
    thanks

  • Krupa Parikh

    Thanks a lot sir… Its really nice article and motivate me to be out of my emotional drama… will try to be stronger by mind and try to act in the direction I have chosen … Thanks a lot.. 🙂

  • Aman

    Sir , i read something of this sort , first time in my life. That’s really motivating. Thank you very much sir. I need some motivation or u cud say, a right path, in which u cud direct me.. i hope u wont deny for that ? As u know, in this generation, all evryone is ditching one another, brk ups n all.. So need some advice on this. Can u plz tell me, how can i contact u ?

  • anamahmed05

    THIS POST IS SURELY THE BEST OF THE REST….I GOT TO LEARN SO MUCH! I’L DEFINITELY TRY N INCULCATE THIS IN MY DAY-TO-DAY LIFE. THANKS AKASH SIR. KEEP WELL. 🙂

  • Rini

    YET ANOTHER DELIGHTFUL READ :))
    TWO THUMBS UP

  • rahul sharma

    Sir.. absolutely must read article 4 everyone……
    i like dis line
    “Just keep on making smart progress and the amplification of your progress will automatically happen to the world” ….
    hats off 2 u sir..:)

  • Vishakha

    Whenever I feel distressed, distracted or anything i.e., negative ,I start searching the ways to get rid out of them and most of the times I know how to do that. It’s very simple for me every time to click ANY of ur Blog posts and after that I feel nothing can stop me to be happy and the happiest 🙂
    Thanks alot Sir !!

  • harsh

    have been slaughtered by extra emotions since the 5 yrs due to some inexplicable reasons. but since the the last one yr love entered my life and wat m saying is all realted to that last one yr. well love it too had its difficulties. even now wen i recall things that happend it just pisses me off .i dont ponder over those things ,those thoughts are like parasites that dwell in my mind and the worst part of it was it was nothing related to my life .but i had to bear it coz i loved that person.those things never stopped ,they kept coming back ,strike me with fatal energy. it was like a my body at rest and mind at ferocious exploitation.sometimes it was so bad that i couldnt even stay stable.i tried to keep calm but this hope of staying calm betrayed me.and i felt helpless,couldnt even share it with anyone.now when these things effect me again i react better .dont know if i have become emotionally more intelligent or have turned numb to these feelings. well sir your article was worthy reading . all hail to you . please keep posting. i just wish that i could love her without these thoughts in my mind.

  • Shruti Sangwan

    gr8

  • dhriti

    thanks ! u help me improve

  • jyotika arora

    seriously sir i had neva go through such vocab class ever in mah lyk bt seriously thanks to u dat u gave ur precious tym to agra city nd make us realize d right way to live i.e to being n succesful person v need to keep on smyl ur thoughts were tremendous which we should replicate to our’s lyk thankssssssssssss a lot
    u r seriously a vocab guru

  • manisha

    “One Life ! Rise & Shine & not Sleep & Whine… ” Thanks for sharing it.!:):) it inspires…

  • dhanshree

    Thanks sir , this article is really influence my life because im at that stage where i need this kind of articles.thank u very much sir.

  • mayank makholia

    sir
    This is the first time i went through your blog. And what i have found here is that its amazing and wonderful. Love the post very much, while reading the post i felt like connected to the article. just love your fb page “Akash ka vocab dhaba”.keep on these writings, artiles helps us to understand the life with more ease. thank you once again for your wonderful masterpiece .

  • Shalini

    thank you so much sir for this blog.I had always worried about what people think of me.After reading this I realised I have wasted so much energy on being liked by people who dont even matter to me.

  • orange

    hey i have subscribed but i dint get any msg in my inbox 🙁

  • vishakha

    brilliant..thank you akash 🙂 this is superb…awesomely motivating…:)

  • swaraj

    Core things mentioned…

  • Vishal Singh Mankotia

    Sir i have been reading ur articles for sometime now and it feels like a friend sitting beside me and genuinely helping me..
    i could really relate to this specific article and decided to thank u.
    hop i can follow my friends advice.

Let's catch up...
Email Subscription
Drop your email address & receive my new Blog posts / Videos of my Talks - straight in your inbox. PS: Signup only if you are going to open my emails.
Join 50,000+ other followers.
Thanks for subscription!
Email Subscription
Drop your email address & receive my new Blog posts / Videos of my Talks - straight in your inbox. PS: Signup only if you are going to open my emails.
Join 50000+ other followers.
Thanks for subscription!
ARE YOU READY? GET IT NOW!
Increase more than 500% of Email Subscribers!
Your Information will never be shared with any third party.
Never miss a single blog post!
& receive them in your mailbox
Thanks for subscription!
Don't forget to sign up for my 'Happy E-mails'
Join 50,000+ other smart people who regularly pursue my life hacks, career advices & some non-conventional inspiration. They tell me that my emails help them bunk the junk stuff in life. Check for yourself.
Thanks for subscription!
Don't forget to sign up for my 'Happy E-mails'
Join 50,000+ other smart people who regularly pursue my life hacks, career advices & some non-conventional inspiration. They tell me that my emails help them bunk the junk stuff in life. Check for yourself.
Thanks for subscription!