“LIKE ME’ — Please , Please , Please…” –  the ‘Like Me’ syndrome we all suffer from !

The Problem:
Our ego may think otherwise but a majority of us have ‘extra ordinary’ desires to get accepted and get LIKED by people around us. It is very human and an OK thing. In fact, it is all the more important that you be liked by people around you especially when you are working in teams, organizations etc because people purchase from a point of emotional contact.

The problem comes when this desire to get ‘LIKED’ & ‘ACCEPTED’   and ‘SHOWING that you are MAKING PROGRESS’ assumes an XL Size.

The Why behind it:
Normally, maximum emotional development happens between the ages of 6 and 20. But for some, it might not really happen that well because of issues at home & environment. Such people then keep on playing the ‘emotional catching up game’ almost their entire lives. They give their emotions a lot of importance; chasing them like they chase their ‘perfect partner(s)’. ‘I am feeling like this, I felt ignored’, ‘Why this happens to me’, ‘Why did he / she leave me’, ‘Why fewer people like me’, ‘there is a vacuum / emptiness in my life (‘Emptiness’ plays on their music system in loops)’, ‘I am bored’ are a few common examples of emotions which I answer almost daily; as a part of my work. “Bhai jazbaat hai yaa maayke se aaya dahej ka samaan!”

Let me ask you a question? When your own opinions about people, places, and things change every few days or even hours, then why are you stuck in your emotional moment? Things & opinions about the ‘same issue’ will soon change and you’ll get a useless feeling in the long run because you ruined your precious time then. Excessive Sentimentalism & Emotionalism is like ‘rain falling continuously for days and days’… It will only lead to mud (Keechad).

At times I wonder ‘why a lot of us are just ‘Aiwayein Khajal’ (i.e. Feel useless)?

The reason is that our lesser ‘Emotional Competence’ makes us ignore our ‘CORE’ needs. All we do is – Blame, Complaint & Finger pointing. A big part of us is comprised of -over emotion, artificiality, fear & at times – ‘JLTO – ‘just like that only’. I see 9 out of 10 people around ‘NOT SURE’ about themselves, their acts etc. This is because they are doing things either in fear or to impress others.

Desperation Repels:
I see majority people spending so much energy in telling the world that they are a ‘Freak’ & a ‘Cool’ guy / girl ? . Koi Faaydaa nahin ... Facebook is the only place where someone likes your status & gives advice. In the real life, people are jealous & mired in their own never ending ‘muddas’. So, why make superlatives statements to the world e.g. ‘I did this, I did that, I went to Goa, I bought the new Mac, My first salary cheque, Me, Chadha, Gupta at a party’ etc etc . What will happen — when you do this: You’ll exhaust so much energy as you’ll eternally try to live up to that cool dude image.  If you really want ATTENTION; stop seeking it. Create a ‘Quiet kind of a confidence’. Just keep on making smart progress and the amplification of your progress will automatically happen to the world. It will be more effective than when you shout / announce about it. Desperation repels.

What Happens Next?
The advanced stage of unmanaged EMOTIONS is ‘DRAMA’. Somewhere we end up creating / becoming a part of lot of drama in our life. Trust me- Drama is a v heavy baggage especially the Melodrama. It looks good only during plays. Not in real life. No matter how much you love & care for someone, sometimes you have to walk away from negative people and their drama for your own peace of mind. Drama is for Ekta Kapoor or for school kids; not for grown up people. It is time to graduate. Achievers avoid drama, for they know their time is precious and they are not wasting it on foolish people or trivial things.

My learning from my mistake:
I say all this with experience. I uselessly spent a lot of years of my life – so much on the basis of ‘praise’ & ‘criticism’ of people around me. When I look back now, I feel ‘WTF’. But I have no regret / guilt about it. Reason: I have something to laugh at when I get old. What helped me big time in the last 8-10 years is— the philosophy -‘I do not need much PRAISE; however – I need to PRAISE many a people around’.

We are not here to be ‘LIKED’ by maximum people. You trying to make everyone happy is like Priyanka Chopra trying to keep each of her ex BFs happy and satisfied with her. Imagine the waste of energy that would be! I get super bored & feel yuck whenever I try to make almost everyone around me ‘HAPPY’ with me. I am sure — it happens with you too.  If it does not then trust me- you are on your way to become the ‘Adarsh bahu (bride) of the millennium’; even if you are a man.

Extra & useless emotions will make you desperately blend & bend yourself to become more ‘likable’ to the people around you. Remember: the right people will be attracted to your uniqueness only. When I consciously tried to reduce on trying to impress people around and be nothing but real, 100% genuine ME; something amazing happened: – ‘the right kind of people began to get attracted and the useless ones got flushed out, the right opportunities too came knocking ‘!  When I decided to make only ‘smart progress’ in my life – the best of the best people automatically happened to me. I can boast of some of the best & mad most friends in my life; who I do not need to impress.

The Road Ahead:
Do one thing – Pack your useless emotions in a polythene bag and flush them completely. They are as useful as a used condom is. Even if you are having the worst day of your life (e.g. on day when you managed something like 2 serious waala break ups); you’ll still sleep in the night.  Would not you? Everything moves on. Everyone moves on. No point getting ‘Stuck in any ‘stupidly emotional’ Moment’ !!

Our world is such that ‘Weak’ are made to feel weaker / are exploited more. The ‘strong’ are the ones who do. ‘Weak & Strong’ is the mind not the body. Be the ‘Doer; not merely the ‘Thinker’.

The biggest damage: when you are dealing with small emotional issues & distractions, you will never be able to create BIG breakthroughs for yourself in your life!’

Today: Realize your purpose is too BIG to sweat stupidly emotional things. Keep the lingerie (core emotions) & remove the frills. They look good occasionally, not always.

Emotions are very important in life but ‘Drama / Extra emotions badey nahin Chotey hee achay lagtey hain’.  Don’t let your core be ‘Sentimental Inside’ 🙂

 

You could do 2 things after reading this post:-

1) Share this with your friends and help them be a bit more happier than they are. The sharing options are at your left (on the screen) and at the end of this post.

2) Remember this post and become better at your own ‘Emotional Management’.

One Life ! Rise & Shine & not Sleep & Whine…

 

 

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About Author

Akash Gautam is a Motivational Speaker & Corporate Trainer in India. Hundreds of Top Corporates like Google, CIPLA, Vodafone, McKinsey & Co., Maruti, HDFC, RIL, M&M & premier colleges like IIMs, IITs, SRCC etc go to him whenever they need a refreshing, big bang impact. Write to usWrite to us to know how he can transform your Team.

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